I decided to start writing my posts in English so my non-Romanian speakers friends can also read them:)) I am not an English native, so I avoided to do this for a long time, fearing that it might not be so fluent and nice.. But I know that you are kind and understanding reader and you will not judge me as long as you find my ideas interesting 🙂
Plus this is one of the actions I take to overcome my Fear of Rejection- which is by the way the topic you are about to read below🙂
Today’s post it’s inspired from a clients’ question that came across yesterday in our business coaching session – How to overcome from a painful rejection and put yourself out there again? As an insight, he was speaking about a romantic rejection that he realized it was also affecting his business.
I love this topic as I can relate to it 100%. I was fearing rejection so badly– that I didn’t even realized why I was just not taking action on important things! I was living so much in my mind and so little in the real world.. and sometimes I was finding myself in the same situation for years…
Until one day when it just hit me: Whenever me or my work got rejected I was so affected that I was scared to face that situation again. This is why I was not finishing many things or I was keeping myself for specific situations. one I dare to watch my fear in the eyes and understand what exactly it means.
How did you feel when somebody rejected you or your work?
Did you feel like nobody actually likes you? or Or Did you feel offended that somebody dared to not like you?
It’s possible to even feel a mix, depending on each situation.. .
Why I am asking this? Because is a very fine line between Insecurity and Narcissism 🙂
Insecurity = Nobody likes me
Narcissism= Everybody should like me!
In the first case- you deal with the struggle of being accepted, forgetting your own needs and desires. You need to accept the fact that people usually perceive us through their own values and attitudes. And when they reject us, this is because they see something in us that dislike about them..or they envy us for some things they cannot accomplish…
In the second case you need to understand that your brand or business ain’t for anybody! You have your audience – people who like you and who are inspired by you, on one hand. On the other some people may just not resonate with you or your message. Or they might like you but prefer to get committed to another person. No mater what reason they have you just have to accept that NOT EVERYBODY SHOULD LIKE YOU! And that if somebody doesn’t it’s not your fault.
By understanding these- you understand that REJECTION IS PART OF LIFE! No matter how hard you try- you cannot escape it…or if you can.. the price you pay for that it might be too high!
And then the question is… ARE YOU WILLING TO PAY THIS PRICE?
Let’s think about the following scenario: You felt rejection once. It was painful. You were heart, felt humiliated…You feel that you don’y want to ever deal with something similar. So you decide to never put yourself in a situation that has the risk of feeling rejected. Sound familiar?
It’s like putting yourself in a SAFE ZONE (or a jail) where nothing bad can happens… actually nothing at all will happen! Because there is not bad without good..and good without bad.
And then you end up STUCK in a situation you dislike – with no power of moving on.
You don’t scale your business because you failed last time you tried. You don’t go on dates because a guy told you he doesn’t want to be serious with you and got married after.. You don’t go to a job interview because the last one rejected you… and so on
Basically you DON’T RISK anymore! You procrastinate all the things you are scared to do!
But let me tell you something: You may feel you’ve got all the time in the world for doing these things, but actually you don’t know how much time you are left.
You don’t know how much time you can afford to spend in misery...Do you think that a person who is dying fears rejection?? NO that person probably wants to take advantage of his time and do as much as possible. He wished to still be able to be around and be rejected!
So that’s the attitude!
Imagine yourself in 10 years from now, thinking about all the things you could’ve done and you didn’t because you played it SAFE! Those things could’ve change your life…
And then REGRET will come… and trust me… it feels hundred times worse than REJECTION! Because is something you can’t change!
So you tell me now: What you fear more? REJECTION or REGRET?
I can answer right away: I fear REGRET!
So don’t let rejections from the past to AFFECT YOUR PRESENT AND FUTURE! Take control over your life! Those people who you give so much power to, don’t even know or care about you! So why let them decide what’s your next step!
Be open to the world . Learn to appreciate each rejection you get! Because it is a gift from God: ) Is the signal that shows you which direction you should choose.
Now I would love to hear from you
Which are the things you are going to change starting NOW! What are you going to start doing to pursue your dreams?
Have a great weekend, and remember – You are the owner of your life, your feelings and your potential! Don’t waste it!